Wisdom from Books

    Stephen Lau

HAPPILY MARRIED
Many pray simply because they want their "expectations to be fulfilled." But the TAO wisdom of Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China shows you where human expectations have come from. Click here to get your copy to find out how to live your everyday life as if you were praying.
The Seven Deadly Sins and the TAO: We all commit sins in our lives, which make us live in fancy and fantasy. But the TAO wisdom may help you live in reality instead. Click here.
YOUR MONEY WISDOM
Get your profound human wisdom, Biblical wisdom, and the TAO wisdom to earn, save, and spend money wisely. Click here.
Getting married to make you happy?

Well, probably not!

But why not? That’s what most people think: getting married to make them happy.

Think again! The reality is that what most people may ultimately experience is their unhappiness, which accounts for 50 percent of married couples in the United States end up in divorce, and even a much higher rate for their subsequent marriages.

So, don’t just believe what most people think and then do accordingly to what they think, without your own internal intuition, especially with respect to your “getting married to make you happy.”

Albert Einstein once said: “Thinking is difficult; that’s why so few people do it.”

So, you must do your own thinking regarding getting married and staying married. But what exactly is thinking? Thinking is asking yourself many self-intuitive questions of how, what, when, and why concerning what’s happening in your life, and then seeking answers from all the questions asked. You may then become enlightened, so that you may be able to separate the truths from the half-truths or the myths about getting married and staying married to make you happy.

So, you have to know how to become happily married.
"Accountability" in Your Marriage

A happy and lasting marriage is all about "accountability." Both you and your marriage partner are accountable to each other for everything that happens in and to your marriage.

Marriage is a long journey of two loving individuals, involving many things they do to each other as well as to other people around -- these actions and inactions all involve accountability, without which they’ll not be living in reality, but only in fancy and fantasy. Having “no accountability” is the major reason why marriages fail and end in divorce.

(1) Making a Living

Marriage can’t survive without some sort of lifeline: resources for everyday life and living. Living in this material world, you need some sort of income to pay your rent, to put food on the table, and to make both ends meet. That’s the reality.

If you’re a believer, you were created by God with some gifts for a specific life purpose in the world He created. If you’re a non-believer, you were born with some genes from your parents.

If you’re a believer, one of your life instructions is to discover your own gifts and talents no matter how small or insignificant they may be:

There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.” (1 Corinthians 12: 5-6)

So, your gifts and talents are already there, but you just have to find them, and use them to make a living. Without finding your own calling in life, you‘ll never know what your life is all about, not to mention your marriage. As a result, you just drift along every day, and continue to live a purposeless life.

Being and doing

Living in reality is about two things: “being” and “dong.”

“Being” is about who you think you are: your self-beliefs, your life passions, and your money values.

Do you have the self-belief of your own inadequacy and incompetence? If yes, you’ve only two options: changing your pre-conceived mindset; or accepting who you really are and all the consequences of being who you’re meant to be.

The first option means that you must now change yourself, no matter what, Life is all about changes and getting wisdom from those changes. Without changes, nothing can be or will be done.

The second option means that you’re willing to do a low-pay job. Of course, there might be a third option: turning to illegal means to earn a living, such as drug trafficking, burglarizing, or even robbing a bank-but the third option is living with no accountability.

What do you think you can do in the rest of your life? And how are you going to make a living?

“Doing” is about making decisions and taking appropriate actions to earn your living, while manifesting and validating your true “being.”

Do you have an education or professional skills to enable you to earn a living? If you want to become a professional with a high-paying job, then you must learn and acquire those skills and expertise, backed by related training to become an expert of the profession of your choice. Are you prepared to do that?
So, are you prepared to discover your “being” and pursue your “doing” to make a living in your married life? Not doing anything is sloth, which is one of the Seven Deadly Sins-and you may end up cheating, stealing, robbing, and drug-trafficking, with no accountability whatsoever.

The reality

Irrespective of your abundance or lack, you still need your “doing” to define your “being.” Even though you may have inherited great wealth from your parents to meet all your daily needs, you still need the “doing” to make your marriage life meaningful, other than just “enjoying” your marriage with your marriage partner. Remember, any enjoyment without a purpose won’t last.

Also, don’t let your “doing” become a distraction from your marriage. That is, “over-doing” can be as bad as “under-doing” or even “non-doing.”

The bottom line: You’ve the accountability to be “doing” something every day to define your “being” to bring meaning to your marriage. .  .  .  .  .

(2) Pursuing Career .  .  .  . Your "accountability" if you're "successful", "less successful" or "unsuccessful" in your career pursuit.

(3) Dealing with Money .  .  .  .  . Learn your "accountability" to your "making money", "saving money", and "spending money."

(4) Changing Each Other .  .  .  .  .  . Marriage is about change. Learn how to change each others's beliefs and personalities to live in harmony.

(5) Starting a Family .  .  .  .  .  Learn your "accountability" to your children's growth and personality development.

(6) Nurturing Sensual and Sexual Intimacy .  .  .  .   Your "accountability" to nurturing and sustaining each other's intimacy throughout the marriage journey.

(7) Avoiding Adultery and Infidelity .  .  .  .  . Learn your "accountability" to developing each other's trust and commitment.

The book
"Getting Married to Make You Happy?" will provide you with more information. Below is the outline of the book:


THE INTRODUCTION

ONE: THE MARRIAGE

           Getting Married
                 Why Do People Get Married?
                 Timing to Get Married
                  Prenuptial Agreement
                  Wedding
                  Sex
                  Having Children
             Knowing Divorce
             Asking Self-Intuitive Questions

TWO: THE WISDOM

            Knowledge and Understanding
            Consciousness and Self-Consciousness
            Asking Questions and Seeking Answers          
           
Looking Inside and Discovering Self
            Rethinking and Revalidating
                Assumptions and Attitudes

THREE: THE HAPPINESS
                Human Perceptions
                Origins of Unhappiness
                    Seeking Happiness
                    Avoiding Unhappines
s
                Science of Happiness
                    Doing
                    Career
                    Money
                    Marriage
                    Parenting
                 Happiness and Relationships
                 Happiness and Health
                 Marital Happiness

FOUR: THE CHANGE

             Two Becoming One
                 Change
             Personality Change
                 Understanding Personality Development
                 Changing Personality Traits
             Emotions and Feelings Change
                 Harmony and Disharmony

FIVE
: THE LOVE

           Meaning of “Love”
               Self-Acceptance
                Oneness of All Life
                Empathy and Sympathy
                Compassion and Loving-Kindness
                Faith and Hope
           Marital Love              
               Breakups and Divorces
               Being and Giving
               Fearing and Rejecting
               Forgiving and Forgetting
               Conflicts and Violence
           Marital Balance and Harmony
               The Five Elements

SIX: ACCOUNTABILITY

         Living in Reality
             What‘s Accountability?
         Accountability in Marriage
             Making a Living
             Pursuing a Career
             Dealing with Money
             Letting Go
             Changing Each Other
             Starting a Family
             Nurturing Intimacy
             Avoiding Adultery

SEVEN: THE SHEPHERD

                “The Lord Is My Shepherd”
                    The Background
                    The Shepherd and Your Marriage
                    Biblical Adulteries
                How the Bible Can Help Any Marriage
                     Fighting Fear
                     Burying Bitterness
                     Breaking the Cycles
                     Calling for Justice and Mercy
                     Listening and Practicing
                     Manifesting Patience
                     Nurturing Intimacy
                     Letting God

Click here to get your digital copy, and here to get your paperback copy of "Getting Married to Make You Happy?".

Meaning of "LOVE" in a Marriage

Balance and Harmony in a Marriage

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SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.
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CAN THE BIBLE HELP YOUR MARRIAGE?
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ACCOUNTABILITY IN MARRIAGE
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SURVIVE AND THRIVE IN MARRIAGE.
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MARITAL BALANCE AND HARMONY.
Get the wisdom not only to survive but also to thrive in marriage. Click here to get your copy.